Enough

Dear diary, here is where i walk away from a  “Friendship”. It’s someone who i’ve known for over a decade.

Even tho i would not go into a lot of details all i can say is that you as a person should not let anyone use “love” as an excuse to treat you like garbage.
For the past 7+ months i’ve been nothing but a good friend, no drama and no bullshit but this person for some reason will find enjoyment on triggering me for no reason. Even tho i tell this person, “Hey, this thing you are doing…you should not do this to me. I have not done anything at all, you are picking a fight with a “Friend” for no reason other than your insecurities and whatever it’s going on on your life. You should stop right now and think about what you are doing, you will regret treating me like garbage later” and what happened? Nothing, my words went straight to the dump. This person will continue to go on a rampage and say things that nobody else has told me before. For someone who “cares and loves me” i think it was obvios this person is just mental.

I know we all have our own demons to battle but when you have someone giving you the answers and telling you straight up ” this is wrong pls stop” and you refuse to listen and then when “apologize” it’s just too much. It was not one time or two times, this is just who this person was i guess? I tried helping this person out and guide them to become a better person but guess what, after  seven months i think i’ve had enough. The last thing this person did was like, ridiculous.
The ammount of nonsense this person will spit out and all the hate thrown my way for no reason was like…no.

To the point that i had to go to the hospital and got  assigned a buddy that checks on me daily cuz i was borderline suicidal. When all of this went down and this person decided to pull the trigger on me (not literally) i was listening to this song from Audioslave, “Be yourself” and this line just destroyed me.

Even when you’ve paid enough
Been pulled apart or been held up
With every single memory of
The good or bad, faces of luck
Don’t lose any sleep tonight
I’m sure everything will end up alright

You may win or lose

I just snapped and got in the car and drove. What happened next i will not go into details but yeah.
After about a week later i returned to “normal” and got on discord and i got a dm from “Sleepy” asking me if i was all right. I think she was the first person i talked about what happened (even tho i did not explain the why) so thanks to Sleepy and Holy Programmer for being there for me. I guess Terry D. told em to check on me? idk (if you don’t get that joke then  it’s ok). Yesterday i was at work and the song appeared on my queue and after everything that happened i kinda felt as if the same song had a different meaning and now i’m like..hell yea. Things will be all right, i will win or lose. I choose to win, live and cut ties with people who are just here to drag me down for no reason other than their own insecurities and demons.

Thanks for reading.
– Megu