Dear diary, things are…ok-ish.
I’ve been getting depressed for no reason and it seems that my anxiety is getting worst.
There is this one factor tho, that might have something to do with everything.
Since i’ve started to work thowards making “megupets” a more “pg” kinda thing, i’ve removed all the content i had that might be considered too personal or like “super pancho”, its just nonsense and silly animations that some times show “violence”. All the entries on my diary have been switched to drafts and nobody can read them as of rn. This might change in the future, idk yet. It bothers me that by trying to keep “Megupets” clean i have to deny the past and act as if it did not happen. Granted most of my entries on le diary are a look into what was going on in my life at that point and i don’t think it should be an issue to keep those but idk. This current social “climate” or whatever you want to call it where people can dig something from the past that you said and try to ruin your whole “Career” is like..idk. There is no redemption or anything like that nowadays and i think that is wrong. I believe people can grow and learn from their mistakes. For most cases that is the case and of course there are instances where people behave like monsters and abuse their power and that is not ok.
Idk, i will say idk a lot on this one so. Spoilers ahead!
I’m doing great a work and i don’t let things like depression get to me at work. I’m in the zone and i get things done etc. But once i leave work i’m like…well shit.
Idk, it’s stupid i guess but i can’t help it.
Back to the pancho thing, i still have 24+ episodes from 2017 that i have not released yet. It bothers me that i have to make content just for a “PG” audience. You have no idea, it’s not that i’m trying to make something offensive on purpose but i know that “pancho” episodes are all over the place, tons of inside jokes, nonsese humor and i just don’t know. I feel like people should be happy and let everyone enjoy whatever they want to consume. Some people have suggested that i split megupets and pancho but then i will have to create another domain, another youtube channel and i want to keep things in one place. It’s more convenient and knowing myself, if i have to switch accounts and pay attention to two diff things i will just abandon both.
That is why i’ve kept doing megupets and nothing else. It’s all here so. The megupets youtube channel is still up but all the videos are private.
There is just so much that i can do and by limiting myself to just do one thing it’s bothering me like a lot.
I started making animation standars for megupets, walk cycle, blink, talk and jump. Everything was going smooth and then i was like “i have not worked on any animations in like forever, what is wrong with me and where is pancho?”. So idk,
In other news, by the end of the month i will be going to a car dealership to finally get a car! This means…nothing. LOL
I usually walk to work but now i will get to drive, it’s not that far away anyways but now i get to go and do groceries by myself instead of going with my boyfriend Ian <- LOOOOOOOOOOL. Gonna miss doing groceries together but this also means that i get to visit him randomly at work! Wooohooo!
Oh wait i forgot, i got a letter today that says i owe $3,966.00 in hospital bills and i’m here like……..oh…gues i’ll go die now LOL.
This makes no sense, all my expenses were covered by charities back in september so i have no idea of what is going on. I got triggered really bad cuz i’ve been working on my credit score and the last thing i need is a derogatory mark on my credit score. *triggered*.
Anyways i forgot what i was talking about so instead i’m going to talk about what’s next!
What’s next? Nothing lol. I have scheduled posts for a new megupet every monday until october and i have a total of 120 megupets done so i do not need to make more pets for a while. As some of you have probably noticed i started to make public domain assets again, this is so i don’t get rusty and lose my mojo lol.
Expect one every Sunday (or not idk) or Friday? mmmm.
I was going to end this entry by saying “‘i’m sorry” but i’m not. I am who i am and i got stuff going on that i need to put out there. If this entry is not something you enjoy reading or you get triggered by anything i said well. Go hug a puppy! Cuz life is good (sometimes, most of the times…maybe)!